Monday, September 15, 2008

Tired...but Here, kinda?

Wow.. What a week...UGH.
Soccer is now in full swing and all week I worried about my DD because she was on an "any day now" status since her last OB visit. With hurricane Ike and all that drama, and soccer and baby, I thought that was the extent of the drama...but, Nope! Friday afternoon I checked my email only to find an email from a close friend that I use to work with. I say close friend, but that sounds so generic. I'm sure most of you understand that, you have friends that are more like family than friends, but maybe it is easier to say that they are close friends or dear friends, rather than to explain it in detail to someone else. She is more like my second mom and a friend all rolled into one. Unfortunately, the email was not from her, it was her email address, but it was her son sending it. She is in the hospital, ICU, and from the sound of it, much worse than I would have imagined. I knew she was depressed since our lay off and other family issues as well as her own personal struggles were taking a toll on her. Apparently, I didn't realise just how bad things were.

I found out Thursday night that my DD went to the hospital, she was due to be induced on Friday, but because of Ike that was cancelled. Well, this baby boy didn't want to wait any longer..LOL, he was born on Friday morning and mom and baby were doing wonderful. However, because of Ike, the hospital was under lock down...I haven't heard from them since Saturday afternoon. Also on Friday, after reading my email, I get a call from my niece who is having health issues of her own and she was asking for me to pray for her. She could tell I was already crying and asked what happened, I told her about the baby and my friend and of course she was sympathetic. She had her own worries, so I told her I'd pray and now we wait and wait some more. Her test results will hopefully be in today. Between my worries about my DD and my grandson and her parents, and my dear friend and my niece, I am emotionally spent :(. I know it will get better, it has to, but phew.....what a weekend.

I spent a couple of hours at the hospital with my friend Saturday and Sunday, finally meeting her son and his wife, her parents and two of her siblings, with the exception of her sister and nieces and nephews. It's funny really, the things that go through your mind at times like these. Everyday I have gone up there, all I think about is all the times her and I had lunches together and all the laughs and fun times we had. I caught myself thinking yesterday how ironic it is that I have known her for seven, almost eight years and this is how I meet her family. I hate it....I really hate it. When I'm there, I see my mom...My Mom, I see her and I know it's her, but I keep seeing my mom. I have no idea if that makes sense to anyone, but my mom didn't make it to ICU and she was gone before I could say goodbye. Now all I keep thinking is, should I be saying goodbye? Do I tell her to fight and not to give in, she looks so frail and so sick and nothing like the friend I've grown to know and love. I saw her mom yesterday and she looks so much older than her mom....lying in that bed, it brought tears to my eyes. Even now, just thinking of it...makes me want to cry. In my heart...I know she wants to let go, I know she doesn't want to fight, she as much as told me so a couple of times in our conversations. I just chalked it up to depression, but now, I think she knew and she just gave in.

Well....I know this is life and everyone has their own sad stories, but I just needed to get this off of my chest. Maybe if I write it down, I'll feel at least a little less heavy with this sadness that I feel is weighing me down. I pray for everyone who is suffering right now, everyone who has their own turmoil. Even if you have nothing but happy stories to tell right now, I pray that you have more to come. For those of you who have read my blogs, Thank You for taking time to "listen".

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Doin 90 to Nothin....

I cannot believe another schoolyear has begun...ugh! Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't enjoy having my house primarily to myself, well myself and my two yr old. LOL
Of course babysitting another almost two yr old at least three times a week doesn't necessarily qualify as having the house to myself either. Geesh, I guess I don't ever have the house to myself, unless my hubby gets a wild hair and tells me he's taking them all out somewhere. NOT!

Soccer season is starting up, so things will be wonderfully busy for awhile. On top of that I'm trying to find other things outside of home to keep me occupied. Plus, I can be around other adults once in awhile to keep me sane. Since I don't have any friends to speak of that I can go and let the kids have a play date while we have grown up conversations. I figured, since Sundays at bible school helped me so much, why not work at the church, in some way or another. YIPPEE! I am now helping in the two and three yr old room every Wednesday evening. The two older kids have thier own "classrooms" and Caleb stays with me. It's like an extended day of babysitting LOL. It's ok, I really enjoy getting out of the house and the kids have a blast singing and playing with other kids thier ages. It keeps us all from going stir crazy and gives hubby an evening to himself. :)

Well...I don't really have much more to say right now, but I just wanted to blog something so I don't get in a blogging slump again. I am getting ready to round up a car load of kiddos, so I'm off for now, hope this blog finds you all well and I'll blog more later ...bye for now.