Time Flies...

Spent the day with my first daughter yesterday...it was awesome as always. I cannot believe how big my grandbaby is getting and wow the curls!!! I cherish every minute with them and have to give all my thanks to God for blessing me with such a wonderful relationship with my firstdaughter and her family. I try to explain how it is I feel when I am there, but for some reason the words illude me. I know that I am her first mom, but I also know I am not her mom. Nor do I intend to be. I am no longer jealous of the relationship that she and her mom have, and amazingly enough, have not had those feelings from day one of our first face to face. I really thought that I would, but I think that in my mind all I could see was that tiny little baby. Now it is REAL to me that she is no longer a baby but a grown woman and I am proud that I had some little part in that. Not in raising her, but in nurturing her while she was still apart of me and for being blessed enough to have found a wonderful family. She and her mom are so very close and it tugs at my heart...in a good way. :)

They have made me feel welcome and like a part of thier family from day one. It has meant so much to me that they made sure that my first daughter knew about me and about her brothers and sister. I still say that having an open adoption is something I don't think I could have done, but I feel as if in a way that is what we have now. When I was young, it was still too fresh and the pain was unbearable. My feeling is that it would have been like pouring salt into an open wound. The thought of seeing "my" baby with someone else, calling someone else momma, and then having to watch them leave with her everytime would have been too much for me to bear. I have to say that I have an enormous amount of admiration for those first moms who are in open adoptions. I took lots of pics and cannot wait to share...hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and I'll try to post again soon :)