Is it just me?

I am trying so hard to enjoy the holidays, with all the hustle and bustle and the crazy shoppers and maniac drivers...it is difficult some days. I am almost finished, FINALLY! :) Now the family drama kicks in. Big brother won't come because the nephew who did something absolutely unthinkable to him is going to come..OR...the nephew or brother in law won't come because; A: someone else in the family is going to be there, or B: someone, or all the family hates him. Me, I tried to be neutral, and for years it has worked to a degree. I often times wonder if the drama such as this isn't what contributed to my mother's high blood pressure and in the end caused her to leave this world before her time. Since my mom's passing, five years now, there has only been one Christmas and Thanksgiving that the whole family was together, without her I mean.

The first one! In the years since, my older sister just stopped talking to my older brother and then my younger sister pissed him off by butting in where she shouldn't have been. Soooooo then the next two years were without my big brother, so I would take him a plate because he was all alone. Now, it's my nephew and my older brother because he moved in with him and couldn't follow the lifestyle that my brother lives. Not that my brother wanted him to join a new religion or anything, just that my brother has a very clean house and intends for it to stay this way, someone even the least bit lazy and my brother would not get along. In the end, my nephew just moved out without so much as a notice and then called the police to help him retrieve his belongings....not necessary. That began a whole new drama. Now my sister, his mom and her daughter have been on the outs since she moved away and had a baby. I have tried to have an open mind to the whole situation. I love my niece and both her brothers as well as my great niece, but sometimes you just have to say ENOUGH!

I made my niece an ornament last Christmas, her first, and bought a few things as well as making her a bear. I went to my nieces to take her a crib and other things for the baby before she was born, dragging all three of my kids an hour away. THEN, I went to her shower with my youngest, two hours away. THEN, I went to the hospital after the baby was born with my youngest in tow, also an hour away. After that, I drove and met her halfway, not by choice, had planned on going to her home, other plans...for her...came up(understandable), and we bought them lunch. The baby was four weeks old, and the last time I saw her was at HIS families home for her first birthday. This year she lied, she told me herself, to her mother and then to me(to cover her tracks she said), about what she and the baby and her baby's daddy were doing Thanksgiving. I found this out because I called to see if what I got my great niece this year was going to be ok, only to find out they were going to HIS families house again. There is always an excuse, she can't drive alone, or he's got personal reasons, or they have no gas, or...or...or....PLEASE...no more excuses.

I do not work, well, I do, but it's not set in stone as far as a 9 to 5 type job, it is forever unsteady. My husband, works two jobs and at times goes back in to his first job after he leaves his second, so, he basically works three shifts in one day. We all have troubles, but I always felt like family is family no matter what. Now, I finally told my niece that that was it, I can't take it anymore, I've been understanding, supportive and nurturing. NO MORE. I'M DONE. She want's us to come to her, but she's not willing to come here. I hate the holidays sometimes, and sometimes....I wish that I could just not FEEL, I'm tired of being too damned nice and then getting stomped on. I'm tired of expressing how I feel and then being made to feel like I have no right to feel this way, please....give me a f'n break!