Am I Losing It?

Family, I love my family, I love my brother and my sisters. I love my nieces and my nephews. My immediately family...IE my kids and my husband are my world. Does anyone have those family members that seem to live to piss you off? Their sole purpose in life is that it revolve around them and to make yours as miserable as possible, so much that you avoid them at all costs?

I don't get it....they can make HUGE, GINORMOUS, IDIOTIC mistakes or bad choices and I just try to find some silver lining. I show support and encouragement and give the shoulder if needed. Especially now that my mom is gone, it's double what it used to be as far as the toll it takes on me and my world. God forbid, I do something maybe a little out of the norm and possible stupid...hey...it happens :). Do I get support or encouragement? Hell no! I get judged and snapped at and belittled. When I point out the stupid acts that have been done by them in the past and how my reactions differed tremendously in comparison. Well...that's the past now isn't it and it has absolutely nothing to do with the here and now. In other words....they are allowed to screw up and I have to be there for them, but I screw up and it's another story and it doesn't matter one damn bit what excuses or past accounts I bring up, that's almost worse than just admitting defeat and stupidity.

Another issue that tears me up, I don't think anyone with one child can truly comprehend what parenting is like for those of us with two or more. Not to say that it makes someone any less of a parent, but well...lets face it...having more than one is a whole other world. My sister seems to think that my daughter can still spend the night and that it should be OK if my middle son stay home. He is five now, he notices these things....this is his AUNT..for Pete's sake and his cousin...who is a boy I might add. When he was a baby, we could get around it, now...not so easy. My rule is...if one is to go, then both have to go. NO EXCEPTIONS! My kids are not going to be picked and chosen at my families discretion. My sister was angry about this and has voiced it in the past, but I am not going to budge. She asked me this last time...."can't you just tell him his sister needs to get away sometimes?", I asked her if she wanted to explain that to him. No response. Then a bit later she says..."doesn't he go and spend the night at his Nana's(my MIL), by himself?", I told her yes, but that was because Katlyn never wants to go to church and that is what he does with his Nana. Then she says..."doesn't she go to her friends houses alone?", and I said yeah, but YOU are his and her AUNT...not a FRIEND...and HE(my nephew) is their COUSIN...not the same thing as a friend!!!! Am I missing something, or is she just not understanding? Am I speaking another language??

It is odd to me anyway how my sisters son, who is eight, would rather play with my 11 yr old daughter than my five yr old son. That said, he is an only child, he is totally into anything to do with computer games, or handheld games or PS2 and such. He is in no way an "outdoorsy" kind of boy, or a "cowboys and Indian's" kinda kid. My boys...well...they are very much the opposite, very much into cars and trucks and getting muddy and playing outside as much as possible. Maybe he's a little intimidated. I don't know if this is from being an only child, or if it is just is in his genes. I love him dearly...although it's kind of heartbreaking that he and I are not all that close...will probably never be close. He is his mamma's boy...and he was close to my mom, but never really to me, except when he was little. My kids are not perfect mind you, far from it. All I know is.....I love my kids and I will do everything in my power to keep them safe and happy and try my damnedest to make sure they all know they are loved as much as the other, no more, no less.

Anyhow, enough of a rant I suppose...just felt like letting off a little steam. Be back later to blow that whistle again I'm sure!