Margurita time!!!!

Has anyone invented the smiley in the straight Jacket yet? If not, do you get money for inventing new ones? LOL

I have had the worst "Monday Part II" in a long long long time. This morning wasn't too rough, until....my hubby and daughter left the house. I knew I was in for it when all I said to my middle child was " Ok Travis, it's time to...."....and I heard a loud thud(him hitting the floor on his knees, head thrown back, hands clenched in fists), and then a low but audible "AAAAHHHHHH". I then repeated it, making sure to say it loud enough to be heard over the next moan and groan and flop. "Time to brush your teeth", to which he reluctantly surrendered his DS and stomped into the bathroom. There we all were brushing our teeth, catastrophy averted.

Both Travis and Caleb already dressed and ready to go, I finished getting myself ready. Then the dreaded, "ok...get your back and jacket it's time to go"....."AAAAAHHHH", and thud, and then whining, and crying and huffing and puffing. That would be a combination of both Caleb and Travis at this point. Caleb used to be so excited to run out the door every morning, now, not so much. His latest technique is to do the Rolly Polly I call it. Visual...he drops to the floor, tucks his feet and head and covers his head with his arms and if I try to pick him up he just hangs like a rag doll. So, I usually have to pick him up and carry him while maneuvering his older brother out the door and to the car. Trying with all my might to light a fire under his butt, I tell you, they get slower and slower the older they get. Unless it is the park or an event that spells fun fun fun. We make it to school, no more drama, other than having to carrie Caleb the whole way. Travis wants to walk himself to class...woohoo...I tell him to take off!

The rest of my day consists of two wild childs, both approximately two and a half feet and under. It's not so bad the first hour, and the next hour and a half are pure heaven as they both get some much needed Z's. Then...to quote a very old phrase, "the shit hits the fan". I get the littlest one up first, in the high chair and onto lunch. The next is up and ready to eat, only he won't eat. I am trying to send a fax via my new fax machine, I hate electronic gadgets with a million buttons and no idea what they all do! Anyhow, I'm thinking, how hard could this be? Five minutes and I'll be done...NOPE...LOL! Caleb won't eat and the other little girl I watch is through at this point. Caleb needs a diaper, the baby needs a diaper and I'm thinking five more minutes...just five more minutes. A minute later...just one mind you, and I'm thinking, Caleb is REALLY REALLY quiet. I go into my living room to find him standing over my couch, the babies powdered formula(BIG CAN), in a heap at his feet and a mound or so on the couch and the empty container beside him. My turn..."AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"....to the left of him is also a bowl(had a lid at one point), that contained cornstarch at one time.

Now I'm distressed, I pull his pants off, dust him off as best I can and stick him in his bed so I don't have a mind to beat him with a noodle or something. I vaccum up the floor and the couch, not forgetting his pants, and think, ok, I'll just leave him for a few minutes where he's safe and I know I won't have a mess to clean up. I finish my fax, get the baby cleaned up and down and then change her. Next I go to get him and find to my horror that he has removed his diaper, which is not clean I might add and so lo and behold...a mess to clean up. Now the thought of needing calgon has come and gone at this point and I'm in need of a beer. I get everyone, including him cleaned, changed and ready to go get the rest of the crew. I realise then that my oldest has rehearsal, which means loading everyone back up an hour after we get home and heading back out...ggggrrrrrrrrrrr. I go to her school first and pick up her friend that I watch, then head straight over to my son's school to pick him up(waiting 30 + minutes).

You'd think that was it right? Nopers, next we tear the house apart because the DS is gone, to which Travis insists he's not had it since last night. We find it, and then it's dinner time, the kids won't eat, unless told to get ready for bed. The dog get's sick in the floor, and Caleb has fallen off the couch, knocked a picture off the wall and OMG...it's actually quiet right now! Not for long I'm sure :). I need some Margurita Mix and a really big bottle of Tequila!

Am I Losing It?

Family, I love my family, I love my brother and my sisters. I love my nieces and my nephews. My immediately family...IE my kids and my husband are my world. Does anyone have those family members that seem to live to piss you off? Their sole purpose in life is that it revolve around them and to make yours as miserable as possible, so much that you avoid them at all costs?

I don't get it....they can make HUGE, GINORMOUS, IDIOTIC mistakes or bad choices and I just try to find some silver lining. I show support and encouragement and give the shoulder if needed. Especially now that my mom is gone, it's double what it used to be as far as the toll it takes on me and my world. God forbid, I do something maybe a little out of the norm and possible stupid...hey...it happens :). Do I get support or encouragement? Hell no! I get judged and snapped at and belittled. When I point out the stupid acts that have been done by them in the past and how my reactions differed tremendously in comparison. Well...that's the past now isn't it and it has absolutely nothing to do with the here and now. In other words....they are allowed to screw up and I have to be there for them, but I screw up and it's another story and it doesn't matter one damn bit what excuses or past accounts I bring up, that's almost worse than just admitting defeat and stupidity.

Another issue that tears me up, I don't think anyone with one child can truly comprehend what parenting is like for those of us with two or more. Not to say that it makes someone any less of a parent, but well...lets face it...having more than one is a whole other world. My sister seems to think that my daughter can still spend the night and that it should be OK if my middle son stay home. He is five now, he notices these things....this is his AUNT..for Pete's sake and his cousin...who is a boy I might add. When he was a baby, we could get around it, now...not so easy. My rule is...if one is to go, then both have to go. NO EXCEPTIONS! My kids are not going to be picked and chosen at my families discretion. My sister was angry about this and has voiced it in the past, but I am not going to budge. She asked me this last time...."can't you just tell him his sister needs to get away sometimes?", I asked her if she wanted to explain that to him. No response. Then a bit later she says..."doesn't he go and spend the night at his Nana's(my MIL), by himself?", I told her yes, but that was because Katlyn never wants to go to church and that is what he does with his Nana. Then she says..."doesn't she go to her friends houses alone?", and I said yeah, but YOU are his and her AUNT...not a FRIEND...and HE(my nephew) is their COUSIN...not the same thing as a friend!!!! Am I missing something, or is she just not understanding? Am I speaking another language??

It is odd to me anyway how my sisters son, who is eight, would rather play with my 11 yr old daughter than my five yr old son. That said, he is an only child, he is totally into anything to do with computer games, or handheld games or PS2 and such. He is in no way an "outdoorsy" kind of boy, or a "cowboys and Indian's" kinda kid. My boys...well...they are very much the opposite, very much into cars and trucks and getting muddy and playing outside as much as possible. Maybe he's a little intimidated. I don't know if this is from being an only child, or if it is just is in his genes. I love him dearly...although it's kind of heartbreaking that he and I are not all that close...will probably never be close. He is his mamma's boy...and he was close to my mom, but never really to me, except when he was little. My kids are not perfect mind you, far from it. All I know is.....I love my kids and I will do everything in my power to keep them safe and happy and try my damnedest to make sure they all know they are loved as much as the other, no more, no less.

Anyhow, enough of a rant I suppose...just felt like letting off a little steam. Be back later to blow that whistle again I'm sure!

Is it just me?

I am trying so hard to enjoy the holidays, with all the hustle and bustle and the crazy shoppers and maniac drivers...it is difficult some days. I am almost finished, FINALLY! :) Now the family drama kicks in. Big brother won't come because the nephew who did something absolutely unthinkable to him is going to come..OR...the nephew or brother in law won't come because; A: someone else in the family is going to be there, or B: someone, or all the family hates him. Me, I tried to be neutral, and for years it has worked to a degree. I often times wonder if the drama such as this isn't what contributed to my mother's high blood pressure and in the end caused her to leave this world before her time. Since my mom's passing, five years now, there has only been one Christmas and Thanksgiving that the whole family was together, without her I mean.

The first one! In the years since, my older sister just stopped talking to my older brother and then my younger sister pissed him off by butting in where she shouldn't have been. Soooooo then the next two years were without my big brother, so I would take him a plate because he was all alone. Now, it's my nephew and my older brother because he moved in with him and couldn't follow the lifestyle that my brother lives. Not that my brother wanted him to join a new religion or anything, just that my brother has a very clean house and intends for it to stay this way, someone even the least bit lazy and my brother would not get along. In the end, my nephew just moved out without so much as a notice and then called the police to help him retrieve his belongings....not necessary. That began a whole new drama. Now my sister, his mom and her daughter have been on the outs since she moved away and had a baby. I have tried to have an open mind to the whole situation. I love my niece and both her brothers as well as my great niece, but sometimes you just have to say ENOUGH!

I made my niece an ornament last Christmas, her first, and bought a few things as well as making her a bear. I went to my nieces to take her a crib and other things for the baby before she was born, dragging all three of my kids an hour away. THEN, I went to her shower with my youngest, two hours away. THEN, I went to the hospital after the baby was born with my youngest in tow, also an hour away. After that, I drove and met her halfway, not by choice, had planned on going to her home, other plans...for her...came up(understandable), and we bought them lunch. The baby was four weeks old, and the last time I saw her was at HIS families home for her first birthday. This year she lied, she told me herself, to her mother and then to me(to cover her tracks she said), about what she and the baby and her baby's daddy were doing Thanksgiving. I found this out because I called to see if what I got my great niece this year was going to be ok, only to find out they were going to HIS families house again. There is always an excuse, she can't drive alone, or he's got personal reasons, or they have no gas, or...or...or....PLEASE...no more excuses.

I do not work, well, I do, but it's not set in stone as far as a 9 to 5 type job, it is forever unsteady. My husband, works two jobs and at times goes back in to his first job after he leaves his second, so, he basically works three shifts in one day. We all have troubles, but I always felt like family is family no matter what. Now, I finally told my niece that that was it, I can't take it anymore, I've been understanding, supportive and nurturing. NO MORE. I'M DONE. She want's us to come to her, but she's not willing to come here. I hate the holidays sometimes, and sometimes....I wish that I could just not FEEL, I'm tired of being too damned nice and then getting stomped on. I'm tired of expressing how I feel and then being made to feel like I have no right to feel this way, please....give me a f'n break!

Please!

I don't know why, I don't begin to understand how, someone can sit and so blatantly bash not one, but many and not see what they have done. I am no better, but certainly not worse than anyone else in this world. I don't pretend to be anyone other than who I am. I am a mom, a first mom in the midst of a reunion of sorts, and a woman, and a human being. I love, I cry, I hurt, I get angry...I can yell with the best of them and I can give the cold shoulder if need be.
This world has many hardships, no one is immune. We all have our journey, each with different obstacles to overcome and many that we have managed to overcome and become stronger individuals for having done so.

There are times when there is too much for me to take, during these times I raise my hands to God and tell him so. I tell him no more...please no more, not now, I can't take anymore right now. I must confess, it gets better, for a time, then the ball starts rolling again. Kids are sick, the car is shot, the house is falling apart...I AM FALLING APART! LOL
I will survive, I am a survivor. I am strong, I take pride in that...I get it from my mom. Not saying that things don't get me down, that I don't get depressed, that I don't "lose it" from time to time. I'm not a machine for Pete's sake, I'm only human flesh and blood like everyone else. I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my life....this is MY life, and I'm thankful for every bit of it. This makes me who I am, where would I be without it? I don't let the tribulations in life make me a victim, I overcome or I get passed it and move on. I refuse to be a victim, I refuse to wallow in my pain. I will be strong...I will overcome, I will be me in every sense of the word. Don't judge me, unless you can say that you are without faults, don't cast that stone unless you are willing to take back what you dish out. An old saying or two that I believe with all my heart and have seen come true over and over again. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and "What goes around comes around". Words to live by.