I get it...I really do get it.....

I found out something about one of the mom's from my daughters Soccer team yesterday. We've been talking for awhile and she knew that I had relinquished my firstdaughter when I was 17. She knows about my finding her and how we've been communicating and that I just recently had a face to face with her for the first time. She, as with many others I've told, has been very supportive and intrigued and always interested in knowing how it's going.
Finally I found out why she was so interested, well I'm sure this is not the main reason, but I'm sure it's a factor. She was adopted when she was one, by her grandparents, but she didn't find out until she was 10. She told me her story, about her mother and how she had a brother and sister that were also adopted. She just recently had contact with her father. Due to her circumstances, her reunion with her bparents has been a troubled one to say the least. I cannot fathom what she must feel, because the short of it is, that her mother is far from the way I am. She doesn't want to "know" her daughter, she's in it for herself and herself only.
I tried to tell her what I thought her dad might be thinking, just from a firstparent standpoint. Just listening to her story about her relationship with both of them, was a hard thing to hear. I hoped that my reunion and relationship with my firstdaughter didn't make her long even more for that from her firstparents. I just tried to tell her how I felt about it. What I've learned from listening to all the stories and different opinions and feelings from other firstparents and adoptees as well as adoptive parents. Basically, my feelings are this....as a firstparent, I am not my firstdaughters Mother, I gave up that right. Yes, I am her biological mother, we are linked forever in a way that cannot be taken away. However, in reunion, a firstparents relationship is only what our firstchildren want it to be. No more, No less.
However much, I'd like to be the one she calls mom, I'm not. However much I want to be a grandma to my grandson...I'm not. He has a grandma, and she has a mom....I'm not sure what that makes me really. I call myself a firstparent, but even that doesn't sound right....that's why I say. I get it...I really do get it.