What a Beautiful Journey.......

It's been such a very long time since my last blog. I think I may have forgotten how to do this! LOL
What a wild ride the last few yrs have been. I started looking for my firstdaughter in Feb. of 06 and amazingly found her in April O6, three days before my birthday and a couple of weeks before hers. What a rush of emotions, happy, scared, excited, terrified...relief, the most important of all. That weight of the not knowing for 20 yrs lifted in an instant. She's all grown up, healthy, happy, smart, talented and beautiful..of course :). I sent her the first of three letters, enclosed in a birthday card along with pictures. Waited three months and sent her a second letter, despair kicks in at this point. What is she thinking? Does she hate me, is she still in shock that I found her? Is she as afraid of where this will lead us as I am, now that the first step to reunion has been taken? OK...one more letter, right before Christmas. Still no reply.....I'm crushed.
I am so thankful I found a place where other women share similar stories because I don't think my sanity would have held out without that support system. I was lucky enough to find a group of "sisters" and we created a wonderful bond. We kept each other going...I think....at least that is true for me. They are a wonderful group of women, strong, funny, caring and each amazing in their own way. One can laugh at herself and life, but is fiery and determined and has the amazing gift of being able to accomplish things I wouldn't even tackle! Another is full of wisdom and the awesome strength to juggle both life and family that I would give anything to possess. She can take care of cooking dinner, baseball games and still manage to get her house clean...grrr...LOL. Last but certainly not least is a Rockin Eighties Chick, who remembers way more about the eighties than pretty much anyone else I know! She's funny and sweet and spunky. Anyhow, without them, I could not have retained the little amount of sanity I had to start with.
I managed to wait and wait somewhat patiently, until I couldn't wait anymore. I found her on one of those "myspace" type places and for the longest time I kept checking, because I just knew it was her. Tossing around, do I send her a message, do I sit and wait some more? Finally, a sign! A picture, she posted a picture of herself, my first sight of her all grown up. I was ecstatic, elated and totally freaked out...LOL! OK...now do I send her a message? One of my friends said to "go for it!", so I did!!! And what do ya know...she replied and I finally knew for certain it was her and I just about fell out of my seat. That's where the relationship really started. We sent each other messages for almost two yrs, asking questions, telling little stories about our lives, learning a little every time about each other. We never met, or talked over the phone, but somehow we made a connection and it was strong enough to make her feel more comfortable with me than I realised. Enough so, that she decided to skip talking on the phone and go straight to a face to face. Talk about shocked...I was stunned speechless, because with every message I sent, I was terrified...what is she thinking, did I say something dumb or did I make her mad or upset with something I said? Constantly felt as if I was walking on eggshells. However, she invited me to her shower(baby), yup, gonna be a grandma...I still feel odd saying that. It was an amazing day, I showed up with my second daughter, fifteen minutes early and before everyone LOL. Finally I saw her, not on the computer, not from a picture, but flesh and blood and she was so beautiful. I hugged her, hugged her mom and watched both my first daughter and second daughter hug for the first time. That was the moment that brought tears to my eyes.
The shower was wonderful, we got to talk for a little while, but it was limited due to the occasion. Afterward, they invited us to go to her grandma's and visit. We stayed there for another five hours, ate dinner and talked and talked. I got to meet her brother and hear about when she was little. We talked about the adoption, and we talked about both our families. She showed me her amazing artwork, and her mother told me how she is a beautiful singer as well. It was just an amazingly, beautiful, much more than I ever expected, day.
I want to thank each and every one of my "sisters" for giving me the support I needed to make it this far. And for my family for putting up with my craziness the last couple of yrs. How lucky and blessed I am for having them all.